Demands On Family Life Abroad (2)

Financial pressure:

Contrary to the views of people back at home in Nigeria that those abroad are swimming in money, the reverse is actually the case.  There are lots of opportunities to make the money, don’t get me wrong.  However, for anybody coming from Nigeria without having had any form of education abroad, then you always start slow.  It is very rare to get a good paying job with only a certificate from Nigeria. You find out that one has to keep like 2, maybe 3 jobs to be able to pay bills and have enough change to spend.  Oh! the bills.  Those annoying pieces of paper with figures on them that arrived every month! don’t we just love them?  here, there are lots of bills to pay:  rent/mortgage, heating and electric, phone bills, Internet/ cable bills, water bills, gas (that is fuel as we call it in Nigeria), and of course you have to eat!  There is no dodging of bills here.  It’s not like in Nigeria, where we don’t pay water bills, or where you can give NEPA N500 when they come to cut off your lights.  Here, if you don’t pay for the service, then you don’t get it.  Full stop!

Okay, let’s say you’ve gone through the bad stages and have finally gotten a real good job with good pay.  You think you’ve arrived, right? wrong!  by the time the first pay check comes and you see how much tax has been deducted from it, you’d wonder if it makes sense to work at all.  It really is so frustrating how much tax these people charge.  The truth is that the more you earn, the more tax you pay.  That is why Robert Kiyosaki, the author of ‘Rich dad, poor dad’ said that it is better to start a small business instead of taking on a second job.  With your own business, no matter how small, you can afford to write off a lot of things as business expenses and get a tax refund for them. 

A major source of financial pressure in America is the credit facility.  Unlike in Nigeria where everything is paid for in cash, (you can’t buy a car unless you can absolutely afford to pay for it to the very last dime, or live in a N200, 000 house if you can’t afford to pay 2 years rent with cash too), here as far as your credit score is good, you can get yourself a brand new car of any model you want on credit.  The payment will then be spread over a period of time based on what you negotiate. 

I’m sure you’d think it’s a wonderful thing, right?  Well, just don’t even think of defaulting on any payments because the interest that will be charged you will almost equal the original value of the item.  Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but you get the picture?  It can be a good thing depending on how you look at it.  If you are sure you can keep making your scheduled payments on time, then it’s a beautiful program.  However, we all know that we have no control over what can happen to us at any given time. A job loss or handicap can mean a cut-off of income and then, viola! The creditors will come! 

That is why you here that someone was a millionaire and turned homeless in the blink of an eye.  Everything probably was on credit.  the I still prefer the Nigerian way where you cut your coat according to your size.

So, this is the life of the average American-based person.  Bills, bills, and more bills.  Now, add kids to the equation.  Right from way go, everything kids is sxpensive.  Even in Nigeria, baby things are like double the price of adult stuff.  You have to think of things like cribs, strollers, car-seats (these are a MUST), apparell, diapers, formula etc.  Ah baby formula!  Here in America, it is a rule that babies have to take formula up until 1 year.  They can’t, shouldn’t take whole milk until after their 1st birthdays.  And these formula costs so much.  I remember how we had a gallon of whole milk waiting two days before my first baby turned 1.  We just couldn’t wait to stop buying formula! I really don’t remember how it goes in Nigeria, but I know there are no hard and fast rules about formula.  I mean, babies are eating eba at 6months and everything else that’s on the menu!  

Another financial demand is child care.  This has got to be one of the most expensive things you can think of.  If the two parents in question work, then their pay check had better be good enough to afford either sending the kids to day-care, getting a live-in nanny, or arranging for after-school care, depending on how old the kids are .  Usually, if the second pay check cannot afford to cover the child care expenses and have some change left over, or the family can afford to live on one good pay check, it makes sense that the mother (or father, depending on who has the better job), stays home to look after the kids until they are old enough to enter Pre-k (that is nursery school in Nigeria).  Or better still one can get a part-time job where he/she can work when the other partner is home with the kids. Even though childcare costs depend on factors like age, location, number of hours etc, the average daycare costs for like 8am – 5pm is about $200.  So we’re looking at about $800/ month added expenses.  Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

Luckily, there’s free education provided by the Government from kindgergaten through high school.  Those are the public schools.  If however, one decides to send their kids to private schools, then you’re looking at paying some cool cash. I really admire this US Governement, though.  That break they give parents is actually a time for them to save up for the kids’ college. You’ll find out that the college tuition will cost you more than 10 times the elementary and high school education. Hearing ‘saving up for the kids’college’ was like a cliche to me before, but now, I definietly understand.  It pays to not look at that period of free aducation as resting time, but to start saving for the kids’ college then.

These demands (the financial and domestic demands), are the major reasons why couples abroad usually cannot afford to have as many children as they probably would have had if they were back home in Nigeria.  Most couples have just two, a few have three.  With four kids though, people tend to raise eyebrows because they can’t imagine how one would cope.  I’ve come to realize that the only way you can have more kids and not feel the impact if they are well-spaced, maybe like 3-5 years gap between them.   See me, see spacing; when biological clock is ticking!

In summary, the average person in Nigeria does not understand when you say it’s not easy to live abroad.  They feel like we just say it so they won’t demand too much from us.  Well, I know I used to feel like that.  When my brothers would come home for holidays and say how life isn’t all rosy in America, I used to say in my mind ‘yeah, yeah, and you all look so fresh.’  Now, I’m in those shoes,  it’s my turn to say ‘It ain’t what it looks like!’