Never say ‘Never’

The words “Never say ‘Never’ ” and “Only he who wears the shoes feels the pinch” are words that come to mind when I think of the way I felt before I became a mom, and definitely before I moved to North America.  I had so many views about certain things in life that have certainly changed since I started living abroad.

Firstly, I couldn’t understand when Africans, especially other Nigerians living abroad said they wanted only 2 kids. I mean, I could understand why the oyinbo man might want a little family, but a full fledged Nigerian man or woman?  That didn’t quite sit well with me.  You see, I come from a large family.  Large as in LARGE, a football team to be exact including mom and dad  (and yes, they are educated).  It was mega fun growing up and I knew I wanted my kids to have as much fun.  Not that I plan on 9!  that will be suicidal in this age and time.  Having 4 seemed ideal. 

Well, I always felt they (the nigerians) were being selfish in not wanting more than 2 kids.  What I didn’t realize was how different it is to be a mom or dad in Nigeria from being one abroad.  It’s not just the financial responsibility of raising the kids, (college tution fees alone can even scare the living daylights out of you), but also the physical capacity to do so.  Back home in Nigeria, you could have househelps/maids (boy-boy), drivers, nanny and so on, while here, you’re on your own.  You are all these rolled in one and there’s definitely a limit to what one can do.  Now, even though I ‘think’  I still want 4 (we’re taking it one at a time at the moment), I truly appreciate and understand that one could want just 2.

I also always said I’d never have my house in a mess, that it’ld always be clean and tidy at all times.  Well, I guess I didn’t bargain on how physically exhausting it would be to pick up after a toddler.  I couldn’t (still can’t imagine) how one small human being can make so much mess in a short time.  All it takes is the blink of an eye and your house would look like a tornado just passed through it.   I actually tried picking up after my toddler, but it was just a matter of time before I got to the point where I knew I just couldn’t keep up.   This makes you actually appreciate the house helps we had back at home in Nigeria who we always took for granted and expected them to be always up and doing in their jobs.  Here, you’ll realize that it’s okay for your house to be a mess once in a while when you have kids. I mean it’s not like someone is coming for inspection! (I got this phrase from my sister who also lives here in the States with her 4 kids, and I use it to console myself sometimes).  Really, sometimes having a spick and span house isn’t at the top of my list (especially with the little baby now), usually the whole list has ‘sleep’ all over it!  So these days, if I can manage to clean up after she’s gone to bed, I actually feel accomplished!

I always felt an early exposure to TV wasn’t good for kids, so I said I would have my kids start watching TV like from 2 years so they can engage in active play well before then.  Well, I didn’t envisage that I might live in a place where there would be days, months even that we’ld be cooped up in the house without being able to go out and play because of the weather.   How else am I supposed to distract or entertain this bundle of energy so I can attend to her little sister?  It’s not like in Nigeria where outdoors is forever accessible for play or you have a maid to amuse her and play with her, while you go about some other businesses.  I’ve concluded that the only thing I can do about the television issue is to make sure it’s something educational,   So now, I’m actually grateful for Dora and video-on-demand!